It is December 1st, and it has gotten me thinking, that One month from today, we are entering a new decade. And I just have been thinking about my life and how I have changed in the past 10 years.
At only 9 years of age, if you talked to me, you would have thought I was so mature for more age, but as I got older that didn't necessarily stay with me. Instead of being mature through my problems I gave up on my God, even though He NEVER gave up on me. I pushed Him aside when I needed Him most. But He still holds me in His arms, and is Opening my heart to be that 9 year old girl again, who was sure of her faith, sure of herself, and sure of the people around her.
Why start at 9 years, may as well include all 19 years 168 days of my life. Born in Antigonish, NS to a "Christian" Family. Moved to the States when I was around 4, and stayed there til I was 6ish. Moved to Truro NS, and went to CCA a Christian School. Then in grade 7 things began to fall apart and we moved back to Antigonish, which for the first time in my life I was put in public school.
It was a rough transition ups and downs, dealt with bullying, and the usual middThinkle school stuff, at this stage I still knew what I believed, and was proud of it, had my morals and beliefs in check. Until grade 11 hit, I suddenly wasn't recognizing my own thoughts in my head. Starting to do things I swore I never would, and being someone I didn't even agree with in my own heart.
It came to a peak at the end of Grade 12, and if it wasn't for God, pulling me back in, I don't know where I would be, or what I would be doing. It took a long time for God to fully peel my eyes open and show me that the decisions I was making were destructive, and there was a reason He told me not to do them.
God is our Father. And like a real Dad, He has reasons for why we shouldn't do them, it isn't to be cruel, it is because it is better for us if we don't. It will cause us less difficulty in the future.
I am still trying to believe those words that I write, and slowly they are seeping into my soul.
God is holding me near to Him, I am opening my heart and letting Him be my Guide.
One day I hope to be even stronger then that little girl 10 years ago, So I can make her proud. That girl would think I made some pretty poor life decisions, she would be worried about my schooling, she would care more for the strangers around her, and she would not judge others, she would simply smile, and ask them how they were, whether she knew them or not.
Someday I will be stronger. The Lord will guide my paths. A friend of mine once told me that it takes no courage to stay the same. And this is something that can be applied to everyday life, or your spiritual life, it takes no effort to walk the same path everyday and never veer off because it is safe and you know it, but sometimes taking that different path and pushing yourself through the hard times and enduring is what takes courage and heart, and shows you so much more about yourself and your God that you could never imagine.
I say all this to say, that ten years from now, when I am looking back on this next decade of my life. I hope that I will be proud in what I have accomplished, the decisions I have made, and be Strong in the Lord, everything else in between is details that I am trusting God to take care of and provide in the way which he has planned out. He Will never leave me nor forsake me, if that can't help me sleep at night I don't know what will.
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