Dearly Loved

A Heart like Yours

2011-09-04T15:15:00.001-03:00

I want Your heart.

I am done seeking after selfish ambition.

I am done being selfish, even in the ways I serve You.

You are the only one I want to get lost thinking about. Iwant you to be my first thought when I wake up, and my last thought when I go tosleep.

I want to crave you in every aspect of my life. Iwant to be all consumed by Your glory and Your majesty.

I want to be a light in the darkness, and not limit this tomy own definition of what a light is “supposed” to do.

I am done with making You an equation that I need tosolve, or put myself into. Instead I just want to live my life with reckless abandonfor You.

You have made me ready, You have prepared my heart for thesemoments; I am ready and willing to serve, no matter what that looks like.

No Strings Attached

2011-08-27T19:20:00.000-03:00

I want to love impartially.

I want to love those who are hard to love.

I want to love in a way that doesn’t glorify me, but points only to God.

I want to love people where they are.

I want to love the weak and the strong, the smart and the dumb, the loud and the quiet, the peacemaker and the trouble stirrer, my friends and my enemies, my family and strangers.

For so long my biggest struggle has been how I love people—how I need to be more God-centered and less me-centered. I don’t want to ration out my love, and give it only to those who “deserve” it. I want to love how Christ loves me—with a pure heart.

I want to love with a love that does not come from myself.

I want to love with patience and kindness, humility and contentment, and with selfless ambition.

Simply put I want to love like Jesus, because that is the only type of love that bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things.

He must increase, but I must decrease—John 3:30

You are More.

2011-04-14T14:47:00.002-03:00

He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure. - Psalm 40:2

Well, I officially have one week of school left and one week of my makeup "fast." Just a quick update on this part, it is going really well, and don't wake up wanting to put it on anymore, other than for the reason of enjoying doing it, I really don't miss it. But this is not what this blog is about. This is about how far God has taken me over the years.

Just last weekend, I was sitting in a car with a friend, just talking with her, about how anything is possible with God. His timing is not our timing, but His is perfect. Then I began to talk about my own struggles I used to have, that are just not a part of my life anymore. As I was talking I found myself overwhelmed, things that I forgot about, things I did not even realize I was free from. It is so beautiful to look back at your life, and realize how different you are, and to be thankful for those times.

Not only do I feel Free, I actually am a new person. I am not the girl I was in first year university. I am not the girl who constantly feels the need to fix things on her own, or who places her worth on silly things that are only for a moment.

God has changed my heart. He has made me new.

I am thankful for those hardships, tears, anger, and pain.
I am thankful that they are over, but I am thankful that God can use those hardships as a testament of His grace and love in my life. During those times, I didn't think it was possible to not feel that way anymore. But now, I have a new joy and an unexplainable peace.

Dwelling on these words (From the Song, You are More by Tenth Avenue North)

You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been REMADE.

I know that I created problems, and made mistakes, but that is not who I am. I am more, because God broke me down and started me over from scratch, emptying me of me, and filling me with His Spirit. Changing my thoughts, actions, and goals. Helping me daily fight the battle of being Me-centered, to being God-centered.

Truly beautiful.

Not Your Typical Fast

2011-03-27T12:05:00.002-03:00

He must increase, but I must decrease. : John 3:30

Not very good at keeping up with this whole blogging thing, but I thought this was something worth sharing. My friend Katie Draper and I are doing missions trips this year, and in preparation decided to do a fast, which at first I thought would be hard for me. (We were going to do the Daniel fast, that we learned about via the Dignams) However, after really thinking about it, this would not be a big sacrifice for me, basically the only change would be no meat, and no sugar.

I stopped thinking about it until this morning, but I was actually quite content with the fact that it wouldn't be that difficult or challenging for me to do, but that defeats the purpose entirely. This morning, it just clicked, and by no accident, I forgot my makeup bag in Jill's car last night. I was just about to get ready and didn't know what I was going to do. Then Lightbulb- something I thought I was over, was still a source of comfort and vice.

Makeup may seem like a strange thing to give up, especially for God. For me, however, this is something I have always used as a vice, or form of comfort when I wanted to blow off steam, I would either do my makeup, buy some more makeup, or let everyone know I was cranky by not wearing any. (I know---I am special, but the world needs all types of people)

I don't think that there is anything wrong with having makeup bring me joy, but nonetheless this will be a challenge for me, and the time spent on doing makeup will now be spent in prayer and studying my Bible. I will definitely be out of my comfort zone, as I am the type of person, who even during exams puts makeup on because it is a stress reliever and something relaxing for me to do.

So what will this look like? Well from now until Good Friday, with the exception of April 9th (XCF prom), I will not be wearing any makeup that Jillian Gray wouldn't wear. So basically, natural skin except for light concealer. This will also be a good way to share about my trip, because people are consistently commenting on the way my makeup is done, and virtually all around me will notice. This is not being done to get attention for myself, but more to give attention to my creator, and to make Him known.

Thankfulness

2010-11-10T19:00:00.002-04:00

Over and Over God shows me lessons I thought I already knew. Thankfulness. One of the first things our parents teach us is our manners, "please" and "thank you". But what does it really mean? What does it mean to be thankful.

God has shown me that it is so much more than saying the words, you live thankfulness. God has made me thankful for growth. Thankful for my family, and strangely enough, thankful for my hardships, and most of all thankful for HIM.

Jesus literally paid it all--and I owe Him everything.

Think back... remember something you did that was awful.

Remember how bad you felt for doing it, how it ate you up inside.

Now think, (I am a math student so I think in terms of math).

Multiply that by every sin you commit every day.

Now multiply that by every day you have lived and will live (hypothetically of course) now multiply that by every single person that has ever lived, is living, and will ever live.

Can you get an answer, I can't.

But think of how much shame that would be for one person to bear.

That is what Jesus did!

He bore all of the grief, all of the shame, all of the pain of the sin for everyone!

It is paid, that means we need to break free of this guilt and shame, because it has already been taken care of, and shouldn't be allowed to hold us back any longer.

We need to live like Christ, but when we mess up, instead of wallowing, and getting upset and letting it tear us down, take it to the one who has paid for it, Who has set us free! He has paid the ransom, as only He could, He was perfect, and therefore was the only one who could fulfill the law.

Most of all, when you mess up, be thankful! Be thankful for more chances, and forgiveness, be thankful for Christ's love. Be so thankful that it consumes your every being, and makes you strive to be more like Christ.

That is what I am working on. Letting Christ change me, consume my heart and let His love abound. Being thankful, and showing His love to others, as He has shown it to me.

No matter what I am going through, Jesus has felt it, and not only has he felt it, he has felt everyone's all at one. Such grief is unfathomable, but so incredibly amazing.

So all I have to say is Thank you God!

[The Righteousness of God Through Faith]
(Romans 3:21-31 ESV)
But now the righteousness of God has been manifested apart from the law, although the Law and the Prophets bear witness to it— the righteousness of God through faith in Jesus Christ for all who believe. For there is no distinction: for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, whom God put forward as a propitiation by his blood, to be received by faith. This was to show God's righteousness, because in his divine forbearance he had passed over former sins. It was to show his righteousness at the present time, so that he might be just and the justifier of the one who has faith in Jesus.
Then what becomes of our boasting? It is excluded. By what kind of law? By a law of works? No, but by the law of faith. For we hold that one is justified by faith apart from works of the law. Or is God the God of Jews only? Is he not the God of Gentiles also? Yes, of Gentiles also, since God is one—who will justify the circumcised by faith and the uncircumcised through faith. Do we then overthrow the law by this faith? By no means! On the contrary, we uphold the law.

Lessons Learned

2010-11-03T11:17:00.002-03:00

Soo… I have been trying to write a new blog for a long time, but my brain is a jumbled mess at the moment, it is hard for me to just write about one thing, so I will write about many things, and hope that you can follow. If anything, it will clear my mind and make it easier to write a new blog.

It never fails that the hymns at church are one of the key things that make me ponder my relationship what Christ. “I Surrender All” is the current one at the moment. Not I surrender a little portion of my life, and control the rest, not even a large portion and I keep a small part for myself, All! The other song that has been going over and over in my head lately is “Trust and Obey”, which is actually one of my favorite songs from my childhood, followed by “He is Able”. So you are wondering… ok and what is her point? Basically I need to Trust and Obey, through surrender, and when I surrender all, God is able to do anything and will carry me through, it is just getting that to stick in my head, and push the lies out that is the problem—but my God can do anything.

Lesson 1: My feeble mind is so easily crippled by lies and insecurity causing me to fall to temptation, or put other aspects of my life ahead of my relationship with God. But what is the point of going to school and getting a job, if I am not doing it for God’s glory, it is completely in vain. But if I am doing it for God’s glory, that is a completely different thing. God is working on a full renovation of my life, He is not just redoing the floors, and then maybe paint, and then when I let Him he can get new furniture, he is breaking down the walls of my life, tearing it all down, and building and reframing it the way he wants my life to be. Following him. I was created BY him, FOR him, and it is time I embody that.

Lesson 2: I can’t do it alone. The biggest mistake I have made is trying to do things on my own. Mostly because of pride. I wanted to fix it, I wanted the credit for fixing it, and I didn’t want to tell others about my life. But there is a reason I am in such a community I am in right now, and although the movies watched together, games played, and songs sung are all great, and wonderful, a community without true communication is not much use. God has put many people in my life who are constantly pushing me to be the best me I can be, and that is only a person who is strong in Christ. I cannot tell you how blessed I am to have formed such great friendships. I have many new brothers and sisters, and parents if you count Joey and Courtney. But for real, I know they are here for me, and it has a purpose, and that purpose is to help each other bear burdens, to talk it out and pray together. They have already helped me overcome barriers I thought were just part of me.

And the final lesson for today is over about the past 6 months, I have been re-evaluating self-esteem. One of the easiest tricks to fall under in the world, for real. I am not saying confidence is a bad thing, or that tearing yourself is a good thing, However, I had to ask myself: what makes me worthy, how can I be worthy, How can I fit in, etc etc etc. I can tell you it is not in what I do or don’t do, look like, how many friends I have or whatever else can help someone deem them worthy. MY ONLY worth is determined by my creator. I, Alyssa Krisstine Benson am worthy of nothing other than death, eternal death at that. BUT there is hope for me,Jesus, died and made me worthy, but without him I am nothing. I cannot be defined—or worth defining. Christ is the glue that keeps me together, and gives me reason to live, and the only way I can truly live.

In sum, God is changing me by changing the way I think. Any change is not me, it is all Him. It isn’t easy; I can be stubborn, and spiteful, and don’t make it easy for Him. But I know that it is for the best.

[I Am the True Vine]

[15:1] “I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinedresser. [2] Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit. [3] Already you are clean because of the word that I have spoken to you. [4] Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. [5] I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. [6] If anyone does not abide in me he is thrown away like a branch and withers; and the branches are gathered, thrown into the fire, and burned. [7] If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. [8] By this my Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit and so prove to be my disciples. [9] As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love.

(John 15:1-9 ESV)

Go Ahead, Look for Yourself

2009-12-16T02:16:00.001-04:00

There is One way, One Truth, and One Life

Jesus, My Father, My King

He Never Fails Me

To me, He gave His Life, and for that

The least I can do is dedicate mine to Him

On this Journey of Seeking Him, I have discovered so many things in this "Religious" or "Spiritual" culture. That we will believe anything and everything that we are told, without even investigating for myself. Do I trust preachers? "Well you should Alyssa, they are men of God" Or are they?

Although I would love to believe that all of the "Men" out there that are promoting "God's" Word are doing it for Him. Sadly I don't believe this. They are MEN, and they are of the FLESH. Not all of them have their hearts right with God. It is possible to take one verse out of the Bible and do an entire sermon on it, but if you don't read the verses before and after you do not know if this was in proper context. Be cautious. Satan is always there, looking for an in, a way to lead you astray.

SO next time you are sitting at a church meeting or assembly, or someone says something with reference to the Bible. I challenge you to take it out and read for yourself. There is only way and it is through HIM. God. Jesus. Holy Spirit. That is it. His Word is All.

Don't take in distortions, or here say.

Go out and read it.

There are so many people out there

who know that this is a spiritual generation

Who are looking for something to latch on to and believe.

But The Truth is all that matters,

The Bible is not a Fad, it will neverr Grow old

God will Never Grow Weary

He will never leave you or Forsake you

And He will strengthen you through all things.

In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand

Love One Another

2009-12-16T02:06:00.002-04:00

So lately I have had so many thoughts in my head. Why do people hurt other intentionally? Why do we look at ourselves so negatively? Why do we always believe the worst about ourselves, but when someone says " You look nice" you don't believe them, but if they said " You are ugly", 99.9999% of all people would take it at least a little bit personally?

Everyday I find these thoughts crossing my mind. Yes, it is nice to be complimented, but they don't seem to stay as engraved in me as the hurtful things that cut straight into my heart. I am so sick of gossip and pettiness, because I have been the end of those lies.

I am so sick of people intentionally hurting other people or putting someone down? Why is it so necessary? Does it allow people to sleep better at night? I just don't understand hurtful intentions. I mean, yes I have said things in an argument to intentionally take a stab at someone, and I always feel terribly after.

But what if there is no motivation. What if it is online, or what if it is just a stranger with a rude glance when I am walking down the street. We all face it, whether we know it or not. Someone somewhere has talked about you recently, or thought terrible things about us all. And I am just sick of it.

I wish that we could just all grow up, and not be so petty. It is so sad that Children know better than adults not to say these things, and at least a child will do it to your face.

I just can't stand seeing the hurt it brings to people's lives. We live in a world of technology, making it more visible to us that these thoughts are there, but I would say it always has.

How about the next time you see someone walk by, and you start judging them, Look at them, and say hello, or smile, or nod, You could make this person feel better. They may not notice, but if enough people do it, I am sure they would.

Love one Another, it is as simple as that.

John 13: 34- 35 A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.”

A work in Progress

2009-12-01T23:49:00.002-04:00

It is December 1st, and it has gotten me thinking, that One month from today, we are entering a new decade. And I just have been thinking about my life and how I have changed in the past 10 years.

At only 9 years of age, if you talked to me, you would have thought I was so mature for more age, but as I got older that didn't necessarily stay with me. Instead of being mature through my problems I gave up on my God, even though He NEVER gave up on me. I pushed Him aside when I needed Him most. But He still holds me in His arms, and is Opening my heart to be that 9 year old girl again, who was sure of her faith, sure of herself, and sure of the people around her.

Why start at 9 years, may as well include all 19 years 168 days of my life. Born in Antigonish, NS to a "Christian" Family. Moved to the States when I was around 4, and stayed there til I was 6ish. Moved to Truro NS, and went to CCA a Christian School. Then in grade 7 things began to fall apart and we moved back to Antigonish, which for the first time in my life I was put in public school.

It was a rough transition ups and downs, dealt with bullying, and the usual middThinkle school stuff, at this stage I still knew what I believed, and was proud of it, had my morals and beliefs in check. Until grade 11 hit, I suddenly wasn't recognizing my own thoughts in my head. Starting to do things I swore I never would, and being someone I didn't even agree with in my own heart.

It came to a peak at the end of Grade 12, and if it wasn't for God, pulling me back in, I don't know where I would be, or what I would be doing. It took a long time for God to fully peel my eyes open and show me that the decisions I was making were destructive, and there was a reason He told me not to do them.

God is our Father. And like a real Dad, He has reasons for why we shouldn't do them, it isn't to be cruel, it is because it is better for us if we don't. It will cause us less difficulty in the future.

I am still trying to believe those words that I write, and slowly they are seeping into my soul.

God is holding me near to Him, I am opening my heart and letting Him be my Guide.

One day I hope to be even stronger then that little girl 10 years ago, So I can make her proud. That girl would think I made some pretty poor life decisions, she would be worried about my schooling, she would care more for the strangers around her, and she would not judge others, she would simply smile, and ask them how they were, whether she knew them or not.

Someday I will be stronger. The Lord will guide my paths. A friend of mine once told me that it takes no courage to stay the same. And this is something that can be applied to everyday life, or your spiritual life, it takes no effort to walk the same path everyday and never veer off because it is safe and you know it, but sometimes taking that different path and pushing yourself through the hard times and enduring is what takes courage and heart, and shows you so much more about yourself and your God that you could never imagine.

I say all this to say, that ten years from now, when I am looking back on this next decade of my life. I hope that I will be proud in what I have accomplished, the decisions I have made, and be Strong in the Lord, everything else in between is details that I am trusting God to take care of and provide in the way which he has planned out. He Will never leave me nor forsake me, if that can't help me sleep at night I don't know what will.

Deuteronomy 31:6 Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."

You Lead, I Will Follow.

2009-11-23T22:16:00.003-04:00

These past four years of my life have been rough ones. The constant Roller Coaster, you know that feeling when you think This cannot get any worse, there is no where but up, it seemed like I would say this a week to soon, and I lost hope. To everyone around me, I was still this happy, cheerful red head, who would do anything to help someone. Which is what I wanted to be, but inside, I was hurt, angry and bitter. My heart and my head were in the wrong place. Slowly but surely, God Grabbed my hand and this time, I didn't let go, and He showed me that I needed to change my life, and come back to Him.

Why is God so good to me? It reminds me of Amazing Grace, God is so good He saved us all, even me. It blows my mind sometimes.

Just Saturday I was on the verge of a mental breakdown, Everything was going wrong, Work, School, and just other details in general. Til 2 am came and I talked to one of the most wonderful people I ever met. And I felt comfort again. God allowed this to happen. He is wonderful.

Sunday Morning came, and I went to work for two hours and then I went to church, feeling revived after drinking a Rockstar Booster (Sugar Free) and had some discussions in Sunday School. And my mind was on fire, I kept thinking of all these verses and songs, and I was feeling so Blessed.

I was stuck looking at the bad things going on in the world around me

I didn't take time to thank God for all of the Good things..

I have two parents who are together, and a wonderful family who loves me,

I have great friends, who truly care,

I have a job, I am in school, and so much more.

God is so good. I just can't stop saying it

I feel like I am a new person. Which I suppose is a good thing. God is Slowly chiseling me away and turning me into the woman he wants me to be, and whatever that is I will find out.

For once I am done trying to control my life, I am God's child, and He knows my path, so I need to stop putting my hope in people and the things of the world and put it in Him.

" My hope is in the Lord Who gave Himself for me. And paid the price. Of all my sin at Calvary"

He Lived for Me, He Died for Me, And He will raise from the dead for Me. I need to stop taking these things for granted. And be thankful to Him. I am trusting in Him to help me with my anxiety when I am overwhelmed, and he will Follow through.

One last thing.

On Sunday we were looking at John 10 and Psalm 23, and I have never been so inspired by this chapter before, one that I have read and had memorized since forever. He Leads me, Now I just need to follow.

A psalm of David.

The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.He makes me lie down in green pastures,

he leads me beside quiet waters,

he restores my soul.

He guides me in paths of righteousness

for his name's sake.

Even though I walk

through the valley of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil,

for you are with me;

your rod and your staff,

they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me

in the presence of my enemies.

You anoint my head with oil;

my cup overflows.

Surely goodness and love will follow me

all the days of my life,

and I will dwell in the house of the LORD

forever.

Life Through the Spirit.

2009-11-22T01:40:00.000-04:00

Stressed out? Over Worked? Underpaid? Underappreciated?

I think we have all had those days where we are facing every single one of these emotions, but did you ever really sit back and think of everyone else who has it worse? Although the road may never seem to end, someday, somehow things will get better. But why do we think we must do it on our own, Will it prove that we are strong and can handle it ourselves? That just proves you are too afraid to admit you are struggling, and would rather suffer.

God Is so good, why do we always forget this simple fact. (Not to say I don't, aka I put we)

It is just so strange to me, that He did everything for us, yet, we forget to include him in the life HE gave us.

We live our lives, like they are our own to control, But News-flash, if you take your life into your own hands, well it will be like it is in those stressful moments, where you do not know what you are going to do. He will help you, if you stop controlling your life, and let Him help and guide you. "The Steps of a Good Man are Ordered by the Lord"

Never thought I would say this, but God and the Backstreet Boys have something in common. He doesn't care who you are, where your from, what you did, as long as you (not to say he doesn't care, just details aren't the point) LOVE HIM. Truly love him, give your life over to Him, and be changed.

Romans 8:28 tells us: And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

So Trust in Him.

He is there, ALWAYS.

Don't ever forget it.

Things Will work out for the better,

If you allow Him to Work,

His will, Will be done!

Well, It is basically 2 am and I just had to get this Heartfelt Rant out of my mind, Not even sure if it makes sense. But even if it doesn't it will be a daily reminder for me to let go of my anxiety and my pride, and take it all to Him, and let Him be my strength, instead of me going this race alone.

Love Will Save the Day.

2009-11-16T23:19:00.002-04:00

So tonight is the eve of my parents 25th anniversary, and it has got me thinking, about love. What love means, what is it restricted to, and how do people stay in love.

Although their are "studies" which suggest love cannot last longer then 7 years, I know this is false. You know when you watch a movie, and you see two people look at each other, and you know it must be love. That is what I see when I look at my grandparents, and the way my grandfather still winks at me, then teases my nan, and the way every Sunday he makes her breakfast, whether it is a burnt piece of toast, that is not the point, it is that he is showing her he cares.

My parents have been through a lot over the past few years, and instead of letting the hardships bring them down, it has made their relationship stronger, and it is wonderful to see. My dad is so giving and caring, and my mom is loving and ambitious and together, they blend so well.

So after saying all this, I still did not answer, What is love?

Well, there are many different types of love, but in all of them Love is this :

Love never gives up.

Love cares more for others than for self.

Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.

Love doesn't strut,

Doesn't have a swelled head,

Doesn't force itself on others,

Isn't always "me first,"

Doesn't fly off the handle,

Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,

Doesn't revel when others grovel,

Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,

Puts up with anything,

Trusts God always,

Always looks for the best,

Never looks back,

But keeps going to the end.

Love is the most powerful entity that there really is, that is why it can build you up, but when broken completely destroy ones being. God is love-- he will never fail. His love will never fail, when everything else is gone, and you seem lost, He will remain.

Love is not just for the "lovers" it is for friends, brothers, sisters. I believe love is not something that is easy, you have to work to maintain it, and keep it up. If we could live through love, we would truly find peace and comfort in our own lives.

Lean On me

2009-11-16T16:51:00.001-04:00

Proverbs 3: 5-6 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight

Seems simple enough right? Wrong.

I am constantly falling short, and instead of leaning on Him to help me get through, I try and do it myself. We are only human, we are only so strong. Why is it so hard to put all of our love and trust into the one who created us? We need to stop leaning on our own understanding and allow him work in our lives and change us for the better.

For awhile I have been stuck in this rut, and slowly but surely He is digging me out, and showing me that there will be never too much on my plate that I cannot handle. As hard as it is to believe, God is never going to send us out on a mission that we are doomed to fail, He is gracious, and loving, and most of all He makes no mistakes.

Wow, Could you imagine even going one day without a mistake? God is so good, and His ways are perfect.

I Know God Makes no mistakes

He leads in every path I take

Along the way that’s leading me to home

Though at times my heart would break,

There’s a purpose in every change he makes:

That others would see my life

And know that God makes no Mistakes